In case you didn’t understand the title here’s a clip from one of the funniest movies, Bridget Jones, where she hits on the feeling of lonely on a Friday night in pjs, drinking wine, watching movies. I can totally relate to her belting out “ALLLLLL BYYYYY MYSEEEEELLLLLFFF” at different stages in my life.
I want to clarify—alone and lonely are totally different experiences:
You can be in a crowded room full of people and still feel lonely
Or by yourself at home without feeling lonely
Loneliness is an experience of isolation due to lack of connection — a lack of being seen and understood.
I’ve felt lonely at different points in my life. I’ve moved since graduating college to five different states in the span of 2.5 years, so I’ve been on the grind of moving and trying to build community for quite some time now. It’s exhausting…slash, it’s really hard to make community because it takes time. I’ve depended on friends who live across all parts of the US in order to stay connected as well as family, but even with a great effort to stay connected…loneliness has crept up and said, “BOO!” a few times before.
Advice that I’ve been given:
Join clubs: I definitely have joined a lot of clubs—soccer teams, book clubs, running clubs, community work places…the list is endless! I think the most successful times have been when I’ve joined a club because I’m really interested in the topic & naturally like the people
Introduce yourself to people: I try my best to do this! I talk to strangers a fair bit at coffee shops, out at bars and sometimes just on street corners. I haven’t ever turned a total stranger into a friendship, but I’ve had pleasant conversations that do brighten my day!
Make yourself a regular at a coffee shop: Yes! I do this wherever I live. It works pretty well because you see the same people, so you’ve always got an automatic intro line, “I see you around here a lot! Hey—my name’s Audrey.” It’s a sweet organic way to make some friends!
Over time, I’ve collected some pretty hilarious (and over the top) songs about loneliness into a playlist that you can feel free to play if you’re ever feeling lonely and want a pity party feat. Simple Plan, Green Day and a few other artists!
Leave a comment with a time you’ve felt lonely & your best tips for anyone in that position!